Here it comes

Okay, so I am starting to get pretty nervous and scared. I went to the doctor's yesterday and it seems I have high blood pressure; therefore, she wants to induce me this week. It was hard to be as nervous when I thought her arrival was unpredictable. I was nervous about the unexpected, but less so knowing that it was going to happen no matter what. Now that it's something I'm scheduling, it makes me a lot more nervous. Perhaps it makes it more real, I do know it makes me more scared that something else will go wrong. She had me get my blood checked yesterday, so I am waiting to hear my results and to make plans for my induction. She was talking about having me come in Thursday night for the induction. Unfortunately, Omar believes he is going to be forced to work all weekend, so I am going to try to get induced as soon as I can. I really think they would let him be off, but he doesn't seem so sure. IHOP requires all employees to work the holidays. This makes me rather upset, I don't want to have this baby alone. I'm pretty sure I can get induced sooner. However, if he can't get anytime off, me and the baby will be going home without daddy. This makes me feel so alone. I have no family here, or any close friends to help me out. I have also been having a lot of second thoughts. I'm worried I'm not ready, I'm scared. I'm afraid to have her outside my stomach. It's a lot easier to take care of her inside my stomach than out. I know once she gets here, everything will be fine, but I just worry. It's such a big life change, and I'm worried that I'm not ready to grow up. Ironically enough, I'm watching Hook, which is a Peter Pan remake. Regardless of all my worries and fears, my daughter will be here before Saturday. I am happy, the anxiety is just weighing in really heavy.